1 Corinthians 1

My pastor is a church planter. He has been at our church for only a few years, and he has done some really amazing things with the community there. But to come here, he had to leave a church that he had planted and pastored at for more than twenty years. I know there have been times when he's gone back to visit, and he keeps in very close contact with the leaders and members there. Pastor is a kind and gentle man, and I have to wonder what his reaction would be if he found out that the church he raised had resorted to the idiocy we see in the Church at Corinth. I bet he would say something very similar to Paul. He would be all, "I love you guys and miss you, but have you totally lost your minds?!?"

vs 2 ... I send this letter to you in God's church at Corinth, believers cleaned up by Jesus and set apart for a God-filled life. I include in my greeting all who call out to Jesus, wherever they live. He's their Master as well as ours!

I like this verse for two reasons. First, I love knowing that Jesus himself cleaned up the believers. It can sometimes be easy for us to get confuses - we are removed by 2000 years! But they were in his presence - they have no excuse (except imperfect humanity) for getting lost in the Word! Second, I love that Paul addresses the letter to "all who call out to Jesus", because he was the Great Equalizer. He came for ALL Jews and gentiles, Hebrews, Greeks and Romans. He came for all of us.

vs 7 ... Just think - you don't need a thing, you've got it all! All God's gifts are right in front of you as you wait expectantly for our Master Jesus to arrive on the scene for the Finale.

I know God has heard my desperate cry to find a way out of our living situation. He has been sneaking me little reminders that all will be well, that He has His own timing and He will take care of me. This verse was today's reminder.

vs 10 ... I realize that this is probably not the desired reaction, but everytime I read this verse, I laugh. I love how, as humans, we try and butter someone up before hitting them with bad news. We all do it on some level or another, we all feel the need to soften the blow. I just find it incredibly reassuring that we share the same behaviors with the very same people that we name churches after. They were humans, too, and I think it is sometimes difficult for us to remember that.

vs 13 ... I ask you, "Has the Messiah been chopped up in little pieces so we can each have a relic all our own?" ...

This is a concept that I struggle with even now. I donNt understand the differences between Methodists and Presbyterians and Baptists ... why must one group look down in judgement upon another? Isn't this exactly what we're NOT supposed to do? I don't look at the "kind" of church I'm going to. I only care that the nursery is clean and well supervised and the teaching is direct from God's word.

vs 26 ... For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.

vs 27 ... But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong;

vs 28 ... God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are,

vs 29 ... so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

vs 30 ... And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption,

vs 31 ... so that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord."

I am not the best and I am not the brightest. I didn't come from an influential family. Yet, God chose me anyway. For that, I shall blow His horn - and not mine - every single day.

The Message

I've mentioned that I have been doing my reading from The Message version of the Bible. Now, I'm kind of a literature traditionalist, so this is really stepping out of the box for me. My dad still reads to me and my kids from the King James. (I'm also one of those freaks that can read Shakespeare as easily as a grocery store circular... but I digress.)

We started attending our church about a year and a half ago, and they use the English Standard Version. I fell in love with it at once and have been using it exclusively. ESV is able to capture the simple meaning of the language - much like the NIV - but keep the formality I loved hearing from the KJV while growing up. Also, it is a more literal translation of the original texts.

So why did I choose to do some of my readings from The Message? A dear friend of mine, who knows me better than I'm really comfortable with, suggested it. She knows how hectic my schedule is, and she knew I needed a change.

I'm pretty sure I've covered this before, but just to be clear... Since my job has gone to 40+ hours per week, and I still have mountains of other things I have to accomplish in my life, my Bible reading was taking a HUGE hit. To be brutally honest, it had been limited to catching whatever verses popped up on Facebook or in emails. Yeah, I'm a loser ... I'm at one with that. I will say (with however little dignity I can scrape together here) that I have a lot of friends that post a lot of scripture and send out entire chapter studies in emails. I'm not a total heathen ... just a partial heathen. Yeah, whatever, I know.

We are also a one-car family right now and I take the bus to work. Two whole hours of study time? Absolutely! The Message is a much easier read amid the distractions of the bus ... and before my coffee has a chance to jumpstart my brain.

Now, starting to read Paul, some of those earlier doubts I had about his intentions are already starting to fade. I am able to understand him more clearly and I feel more confident in his feelings and passions. As if Paul needed MY acceptance. ;)

Corinthians

I have always had mixed feelings about Paul. I know, that borders on blasphemy for some, but I am all about the honest here in my corner.

Over the years, I have heard so many different opinions about his writing that, honestly, I'm a little lost. Did he really hate women, or was he just passionate about marital roles? (and since he wasn't married, does he get a vote anyway?) Did he ever let go of all his teachings, or did he truly let Christ speak to him? Was he bitter or logical? Elitist or servant?

While I have read his letters to the Corinthians dozens of times, I think this time I will make more of an effort to let God really speak to me so that I can finally see what Paul is like.

Revelation - The End?

I shared a lot about what God showed me during these past couple of weeks, but there is just no way that I can share everything. I bately have time to keep up with my writing NOW, to add everything else would be way too impossible - even for a Supermom (ha!).

But I will say that God has really smacked me in the back of the head and made me realize how much I'm just not seeing in my life right now - both good and bad. I am truly blessed to have family that loves me, friends that keep me going - and laughing - when I don't have the strength to do it myself, opportunities to help others, and a stable job in an injured economy. But I have also been shown that my marriage is severely compromised and needs major intervention. Red is on a path of self-destruction and I don't know how to stop it. I miss The Princess with my very being and I'm no closer to getting her back now than I was a year ago.

I needed a wake-up call. But now that I've received it, what am I going to do with it?

Revelation 22

v 20 ... He who testifies to all these things says it again: "I'm on my way! I'll be there soon!" Yes! Come, Master Jesus!

v 21 ... The Grace of the Master Jesus be with all of you. Oh, Yes!

Oh, Yes! Amen! Oh, Yes! Thank You, Christ Jesus for Your glory and salvation! Glory to God in the Highest! I awaken and open my eyes with renewed sense of wonder and adoration; may I never fall asleep again! Thank You, for Your mercy and love.

Oh, Yes!

Revelation 21

I have been waiting for 20 chapters to read about the glory and splendor in today's reading. Finally! The balm I have been waiting for to heal the fears I have incurred the past couple of weeks! This is what being a child of God really means. This is what we have to gain when we turn our backs on sin!

vs 3 ... I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: "Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They're his people, he's their God.

vs 4 ... He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone - all the first order of things gone.

vs 6 ... Then he said, "It's happened. I'm A to Z. I'm the Beginning, I'm the Conclusion. From Water-of-Life Well I give freely to the thirsty.

vs 7 ... Conquerers inherit all this. I'll be God to them, they'll be sons and daughters to me.

Then the description of the New Jarusalem starts ... and there is just too much - it is too overwhelming! Streets paved with gold and the pearly gates are only the beginning.

vs 23 ... The City doesn't need sun or moon for light. God's Glory is its light, the Lamb its lamp!

An eternity basking in the Light of the Holy God, thanking Him for making me, praising Him for loving me ... despite the fact that I have been so preoccupied with loving ME!

Yes ... I will say that is certainly worth turning my back on sin.

Revelation 20

vs 12 ... And there I saw all the dead, great and small, standing there - before the Throne! And books were opened. Then another book was opened: the Book of Life. The dead were judged by what was written in the books, by the way they had lived.

vs 15 ... Anyone whose name was not found inscribed in the Book of Life was hurled into Lake Fire.

Lake Fire. Hell. Eternal damnation. Forever in darkness, away from the Light of God. When I stand before my God in judgement, what will he say of me? I do not think I am worthy. I do not feel as if I am living up to the excellence I know He wants from me. During this entire study, that is what I keep struggling with and what I keep coming back to. I am not doing enough to live a glorious life for Christ.

Okay, maybe I'm being a little too hard on myself. But I don't know how to glance inward and see more successes than I do failures. I am spending more time in The Word now than I ever have before, but my prayer routine has gone off kilter. I've been working with Fluffyhead Diva with her Old Testament stories at church, but we aren't doing any family study right now.

(Sidebar: This is another huge frustration for me because I firmly believe that it is Hubby's ordained duty to lead our family in worship. He hasn't been and now we're at a standoff. Do I pick up and try to do something anyway? Or do I just sit here and pray for his heart to change? Ugh)

I am attempting a closer walk with Christ, but I have many trip-ups and set-backs and I'm getting sooo very frustrated. Sweet Messiah, if only you would be more clear with me and point out what you want me to do. Above anyone else, you know how stubborn my heart is and how stupid I can be! Be clear with me. Be precise.

Somewhere, there has got to be a Google navigation system for God's Word to get to my brain.

Revelation 19

vs 21 ... The rest were killed by the sword of the One on the horse, the sword that comes from his mouth. All the birds held a feast on their flesh.

I have said this before and this morning I am moved to say it yet again. I just don't get it. It is inconceivable to me that we can stay so mired down in our own stupidity and our own misery! Why do we make it so difficult for Christ's light to shine into our hearts? What is so delectable in our pathetic little worlds that we must choose them over the immense power and love of our Creator and Savior??? There was NOTHING that I had then that can compare to what I have now!! How do I show them that? How do I remind myself of that every single day?

Revelation 18

vs 14 ... Everything you've lived for, gone! All delicate and delectable luxury, lost! Not a scrap, not a thread to be found!

We are consumed by the love of things. How often do we rejoice over these bits of plastic, leather and machinery? We measure our successes by how much STUFF we have. I have learned a lot about my STUFF this past year: None of it means a thing. When you strip away everything you've got, you are able to see what really matters.

For the past year, we have lived in extremely humble surroundings. We are part of the ever-growing population of the “semi-homeless”. Hubby, Red, Fluffyhead Diva, Sir Smiley and I are all in one very small motel room. The Princess lives with her father because of our living situation. So many of the standards we have built for ourselves over the years have been redefined over the past year:

Consideration: Then – No longer the thought process of “Now mad will Mom get if I do this to my sibling?” Now – I need to ask who else needs to use the only bathroom if I think I’m going to be in there longer than 10 minutes.

Kindness: Then – Going out of my way to do something nice for someone else. Now – Taking care of my own belongings so someone else doesn’t have to.

Time-out: Then – Stomping off to our rooms and slamming the door to calm down enough to deal with the rest of our loved ones. Now – Sitting quietly with clenched teeth and eyes squeezed shut, praying you aren’t overwhelmed with the need to smack someone.

Neatness: Then – Keeping everything out of the living room and hoping Mom doesn’t look under our beds. Now – The knowledge that one book, one ball and a hair bow in the middle of the floor constitutes as messy clutter and is in everyone’s way.

Cooking: Then – Homemade bread, three-course meals, a pantry full of machines that can do anything, and the ability for all of us to chip in and help. Now – I wonder if there is a possibility to make THAT in the crock pot/electric skillet/microwave? Do you think I can stop by Jane’s house to make a batch of muffins? I don’t care if you have to go to the bathroom, if you want a salad tonight, you need to get out of my way.

There have been times in this past year where I have stood outside our front door, hand on the knob and seized with panic and dread. I can’t stand another minute of it! One more day and I’m going to go stark.raving.mad. But I know that we have all learned a lot, too. Don’t take anything for granted, rely on each other, and patience is more than a virtue – it’s a way of life. Our family has to have God FIRST before anything else. Our faith hasn’t just been a warm fuzzy let’s all go to church together and have family reading time … our foundation in God has been a necessary means of survival.

We have all had a change in perspective, and I am so grateful for it! Don’t get me wrong, I desperately desire my own bed in my own room with the ability to close the door and change my clothes in peace. But now I don’t envision the bed covered with the most luxurious sheets and down comforters. The prayers I will say next to it, the books on the nightstand beside it, the meaningful conversations with Hubby in it … those luxuries are more exquisite and decadent then Egyptian cotton will ever be.

Revelation 17

I have sat here with pen to paper for quite some time, just letting today's reading wash over me and sink in. I'm quite stunned and speechless. The longer I sit here, the more confused and lost I become. For the first time since starting Revelation, I'm going to have to say "I have no idea." Maybe after a little more thought and prayer - and some guided research - I can figure this out.

Revelation 16

Still pondering over discipline and disobedience, this verse strikes a cord in me today:

vs 9 ... Burned and blistered, they cursed God's Name, the God behind these desasters. They refused to repent refused to honor God.

They refused? REALLY?!?!? There is no granite more dense than the hardness of their hearts. Boils, burns darkness, waters of blood, demons ... and still they curse our Holy Creator God. His punishment IS just and deserved, no matter how hard it is to swallow.

Revelation 15

Still shaking from yesterday's reading. I had hoped to open my Bible this morning and find a soothing balm. No such luck. In today's short passage, we see seven angels coming to pour out the seven disasters, overflowing with God's wrath.

The saved are singing the Song of Moses - Mighty your acts and marvelous O God - and that is true ... but my heart continues to break for those who will perish in His wrath. As a parent, I fully understand that you must dole out a consequence for failure to obey. But it is NEVER easy. We are commanded to obey our Father by loving Him. From the outside looking in, that sounds so backwards - I know it took me forever to understand it. it wasn't until I was able to comprehend the joy. I feel with Christ's love in my heart that I finally understood. Obedience is easy when you love the one you obey...

I've been thinking a lot about how I am disciplining Red. Am I showing him enough love as well? Thank you God for opening my eyes in this way!

Revelation 14

I begin today not really knowing how to feel or what to say. I close my eyes and I am overwhelmed by the thoughts of things to come. I worry about my children, grandchildren, and the generations to come. How many of them are going to turn their backs on God and be among the number to suffer. Are they going to be among the 144,000 learning the songs of praise and worship? Or will they be trapped in the winepress of God's wrath? It is too much for me to even think of ... I want to scream "Turn now! Soften your heart towards God! You know not what you do!!"

My heart is breaking today...

Revelation 13

There is just no gentle way to enter into today's reading. I'm still shaken from yesterday and I opened up today's passage to see that not only is John still talking about the Dragon, today another level of destruction is revealed to us. Again, I have to express my shock that everyday, people read this and don't fear the future. I wonder how many times I glanced over these words and didn't care.

During this time of Hell on Earth, people are going to be forced to worship a monster, a puppet of Satan! People won't even be allowed to buy food unless they are wearing the mark of the beast. I don't even know how to imagine that. How hurtful this must be to God, knowing that we are going to endure so much pain, simply because we refuse to admit that He created us.

Revelation 12

I am, by no means, of any definition of the word, a Supermom. Yes, I work a full-time job, homeschool, volunteer with Scouts and help out in children's church. Many of my friends along the way ahve told me how awesome and amazing I am. Take a second glance, a closer look, and then tell me what you see.

- Dark circle under my eyes. I only average six hours of sleep a night - if that. I leave home early in the morning and get home late at night, then after throwing the kids in bed with quick kisses, I try to wade my way through the huge stack of papers to grade, scout camping trips to plan, files to organize, research to do, and books to read. Oh, and let's not forget trying to spend time with Hubby, too.

- The things I miss. Sir Smiley's first real steps, walking Fluffyhead Diva to school, Red's battle with incoming adolescence, and everything from Princess. I'm just not there. And not only things for my kids. In the last couple of months, I've missed two birthday parties, a baby shower, a child birth, a caving expedition, a wedding, three moving days, and countless field trips with our homeschool group. Even when I am at home, I'm doing one of the zillion things it's going to take to get caught up and back on schedule. (Schedule: that elusive creature that is supposed to allow me to do everything that must get done and still have time to play with my kids and cuddle with Hubby. *sigh*)

- The pending nervous breakdown. I know I have a lot of you fooled. I have a huge smile on my face and a great big loud lough. I'm constantly cutting up and wise-cracking my way through situations. Don't let me fool you. For years, I have struggled with severe emotional and psychological issues, none of which I'm ready to discuss today, as just admitting their existence is hard enough. Everything in my life exacerbate these issues and feelings. Or is it that my issues and feelings exacerbate everything in my life? Which came first - the chicken or the egg, right?

So ... all of this to say that I'm NOT a Supermom, and I think it is an imaginary standard we try to live up to. I often wonder if the women of the Bible went through any of these same emotions. I can only assume that they did, since they were just as human as we are. Reading through the Bible we come across story after story of heartache, infertility, cheating husbands, unruly children, feelings of inadequacy, and the constant struggle to keep a balance in life.

Just like us. Just like ME.

Out of all the women in the Bible, I have the most curiosity about Mary. Oh to be able to ask her what she FELT!! The range of emotions she must have experienced! When I read today's chapter, I broke out in goose bumps, realizing the vision John had was a recreation of the birth of our Savior. What a wonder to be a witness to that! Especially for John, whom Christ asked to care for his Mom. Mary .... dressed in sunlight, standing on the moon and crowned with Twelve Stars. I can't imagine a more breathtaking way to honor her.

Yet, a warning, too. Sin is always there, crouched and waiting to gobble us up. We must always be armed, on guard, and ready to battle to protect ourselves. For the Dragon has come prepared to wage war with those who keep God's commands.

Revelation 11

I loved the "Left Behind" series of books by Jenkins and LaHaye. I could not put them down - they had the biggest grip on me. Every new day that I open my Bible and read a new chapter, my brain automatically ticks through the series: Where am I now? What will happen next? I have a new appreciation and deeper respect for the time and care taken to write the series of books.

Today's reading is no different, and I am so excited because one of my favorite aspects of the books is revealed: the two Witnesses at the wall. The strength and power that they use to get people's attention on God and the people still walk away! Makes me very curious as to what tactics God had used on me and I still didn't pay attention. Now THAT is a Revelation.

Revelation 10

The more I read, the more moved I am, and the more I realize just how stagnant I have become in Christ. There are so many things in my world right now that are not going well. It is so easy for me to shrug my shoulders and be convinced that God is testing me, and my circumstances are as such for a reason. But what have I truly done to change? I certainly haven't turned to Christ to lead me back to my pasture. This Revelation has done wonders for me, it has reminded me how merciful God is to me when I have wandered too far from the flock.

vs 11 ... Then I was told, "You must go back and prophesy again over many peoples and nations and languages and kings."

YOU MUST GO BACK.

Here is The Beloved John, at peace in the end of his days, praying, worshiping, LOVING. God speaks to John and says, "Oh NO! You are NOT done! You must go back! There are more of my children who do not yet know me ... you must go back!"

My work is no where near finished ... I must go back.

Revelation 9

After yesterday's reading, I felt almost as if I was in mourning. Kind of silly how I can be so hung up. Yes, it is the destruction of the world and I get that. But if I am focused on Christ and keep my heart turned to Him, the sights I will witness will be so much better.

Today's reading is just as frightening. The release of locusts to torture unmarked people for five months and then angels released to kill one-third of the population...

My heart is breaking. I know there are people that I interact with every day that are not saved by God. People I meet on the street, the nice cashier at the grocery store, co-workers, neighbors, and even friends. If Christ were to come today, I know people that would suffer in this way, and my heart is breaking for them.

vs 21 ... There wasn't a sign of a change of heart. They plunged right on in their murderous, occult, promiscuous, and thieving ways.

Revelation 8

Questioning my stupidity remains with me today. Yet, I have spent another day consumed by my sins and guilty nature and I don't remember trying to change. Is Satan's grip on me so strong? Isn't God's grip tighter?

Today's reading begins the destruction of the earth, and it leaves me with a lot of conflicted emotion. I am not a nature freak by any means, but I am a total sucker for a good beach scene. I can't imagine witnessing the annihilation of His creation. It is beyond me. Beaches, mountains, waterfalls ... gone.

But wouldn't eternity with our God be so much better? Better than Hawaii. Better than Mount Everest. Better than Niagra Falls. Better than sunrises and sunsets and spring rains and freshly fallen snow.

IT WILL BE HEAVEN!!!!

But the warning still comes:

vs 13 ... I looked hard; I heard a lone eagle, flying through Middle-Heaven, crying out ominously, "Doom! Doom! Doom to everyone left on earth! There are three more Angels about to blow their trumpets. Doom is on its way!"

Revelation 7

Something is changing inside me. I can't quite put a finger on it, and I'm not quite sure I can come anywhere close to explaining it. The more I read, I am really starting to doubt just how true I am. I think the warnings of the destruction to come is having a hufe affect on me.

I am not living completely for Christ. I have an inexplicable need to hold something back. Behaviors I insist in keeping with me for whatever reason - no matter how stupid. I convince myself that as long as I'm not doing anything *too* bad, I'm okay. Hrumph. Sin is sin, it doesn't matter if it is "only" profanity, or if I went on a homicidal rampage.

Again, I say: Sin is sin - regardless of severity. I make the choice to sin, it could be just as easy to make the choice NOT to sin. The reckoning for my sin is coming and I am not ready.

vs 17 ... The Lamb on the Throne will shepherd them, will lead them to spring waters of Life. And God will wipe every last tear from their eyes.

Why would I be so stupid to continue my sinful nature and risk losing that?

Revelation 6

I have been thinking about war a lot lately and the effects that it has on us as individuals.

It is no secret to anyone that knows me how much I despise the war in the Middle East. Useless and frustrating. I have two nephews that have bravely served our country and I have seen friends struggle as their husbands endure multiple deployments. It just seems so senseless.

For the past few years, I have had a war of my own: a custody battle for my daughter. She will be turning 9 this weekend ... her joy and love astound me. I had been doing very well in our little war, but some other issues have cost me to lose the last battle. But as long as I continue to have breath in my lungs, I know that I won't be completely defeated. My daughter is worth every bit of this war.

I think God probably feels the same way. He loves us so very much that He is willing to do anything to win over our hearts. Just as I am not phased by my ex-husband's (less than ethical) attourney, God does not fear Satan.

God will win the war for our souls, and we shall rejoice Him for eternity. And one day, one beautiful day, I know my princess will come home to me for good.

In today's reading, we are introduced to the Four Horsemen, a group so infamous that even non-Christians are familiar with what their appearance will bring.

vs 2 ... The white horse of Victory
vs 4 ... The red horse of Battle
vs 5 ... The black horse of Famine
vs 8 ... The colorless horse of Death

The Four Horsemen are only the first part of the battle. We are introduced to the martyrs who died proclaiming their love for Christ. Then earthquakes, darkness and pandemonium. Everyone will be afraid and they will try to hide from God's wrath.

Scary ... but that is EXACTLY how passionately God loves us! He will bring the Heavens crashing down to the ground before we are able to acknowledge and embrace the extent of His Perfect Love for us. As for me and my battle ... well, let's just all be thankful I don't have God's power. All that matters is that the Princess knows I'm fighting for her and my love for her has no end.